Hi –
Coming into a triad is not for the faint of heart.
It’s rare, sacred, and wildly confronting, especially when what you’re creating together is meant to model a new paradigm of feminine leadership.
When the three of us first began exploring partnership, we did what most of us have been conditioned to do:
we tried to start with the masculine.
We reached for structure, for clarity, for form.
But the moment we tried to build from that place, everything contracted.
Resistance.
Static.
It was like trying to force a river into a grid.
We realized quickly: this won’t work.
The feminine must go first.
So we began again, this time with connection.
With truth-telling.
With listening.
We started naming what was present, even when it was uncomfortable, and something extraordinary began to happen.
Safety started to grow between us.
For me, this process has been an initiation into true safety inside relationship.
I’ve never actually felt safe in a triad before.
Every triangle in my life has lived inside the old Drama Triangle: victim, rescuer, persecutor.
I learned very young that love and belonging had to be managed.
If I could stay visible, impressive, indispensable, then maybe people would keep me close.
Peta reflected this back to me so beautifully. She said,
“There’s a part of Tanya that learned young that love and belonging had to be managed.
That if she could stay visible, impressive, indispensable, people would keep her close.
Over time that hardens into performance. The one who keeps it all together, who shines no matter how tired she is.
Beneath that is a deep ache: no one really sees how much she’s holding.
What she’s truly craving is softness, sisterhood, trust that she can be loved without earning it.”
Her words pierced me open because they were true.
I could suddenly see the subtle ways I’ve been trying to secure love — through usefulness, momentum, being needed.
I’ve been the sun everyone orbits, yet rarely resting in warmth myself.
And in seeing that, something in me softened.
I realized that this is the very pattern that has kept me from true partnership.
It’s why I’ve clutched Sistership Circle so tightly.
It’s why I’ve dipped my toe into collaboration and then pulled back.
This triad has been the mirror that allowed me to finally see my own protection pattern, and the medicine that’s helping me heal it.
Because the truth is, there’s been rupture.
When Peta left years ago, I couldn’t fully own my part.
When I retracted on a 50/50 agreement with Sharlene, I did it from fear, not malice; from an old belief that control = safety.
These moments have been my chaos, my emptying out.
And what we’ve discovered is that this is what community looks like when it’s real.
M. Scott Peck describes four stages of community:
pseudo-community, chaos, emptying out, and real community.
We’re in the thick of chaos and emptying out; naming the things most people avoid, staying in the conversation when it would be easier to withdraw.
This has required all of us to take radical responsibility for our own energy.
To self-regulate.
To speak consciously.
To offer reflections with care and consideration.
There’s a tenderness in how we communicate now.
Sometimes prefacing a message with “zip up your nervous system before you listen to this.”
It’s become a spiritual practice of presence.
Inside this chrysalis — the messy, miraculous middle — we’ve been weaving the Five Patterns of Feminine Freedom: self-esteem, needs and desires, limits and boundaries, responsibility, and congruency.
These are no longer concepts we teach; they’re living codes we embody daily with each other.
And my Gene Keys and Human Design have illuminated so much through this process.
My shadow of doubt isn’t here to make me question myself; it’s here to make me question everything in service of truth.
I’ve realized that my gift is not to have the answers, but to hold the questions that reveal what’s real.
And through Human Design, we’ve come to understand our energetic dance — two Generators and one Projector.
Me and Sharlene both carry emotional waves, and they don’t always move in sync.
Learning to trust those rhythms, to honor timing, to let the emotional waves crest and settle before making decisions, has brought so much grace.
Through it all, what’s being built between us is the foundation of the next evolution of Sistership Circle — not in theory, but in embodiment. We’re living what we’ll soon be inviting the community into.
Because this is what the FutureFeminine really is.
It’s women who stay.
Who tell the truth.
Who repair.
Who rise together by calling one another up — into integrity, presence, and power.
And this process has stripped me down to the most vulnerable layers of my humanity.
There are moments I’ve felt exhausted, raw, exposed — and yet more alive than I’ve felt in years.
Every reflection has been a sacred mirror, every discomfort an initiation.
Through it all, I’ve learned that I am safe to receive.
Safe to be seen in the mess.
Safe to rest in the arms of sisterhood.
Something sacred is forming through us.
Soon, we’ll invite you into it.
But first, I’ll hand the thread back to Peta, who’s been walking beside me in this creation. To share the next layer of truth, the wisdom that’s been unfolding through her, and how this co-creation is transforming us all.
With love,
Tanya Lynn
PS. We have started a conversation in our FB group. Leave a comment if you desire HERE.
