This is that time of the year for reflection, integration and gathering information for the year to come.
At Sistership Circle, we call this Entering the Cave of Creation.
Review. Reflect. Dream. Vision.
What do you want to improve upon?
What do you want more of?
What has been trending in your life that you want to continue to ride the wave of in 2019?
I am a firm believer that there is no separation between circle and your life. Circle acts as a mirror, reflecting to you the things you need to heal. It reflects what’s going right and what’s off.
So this year, I decided to do a year in review from the perspective of the circles I’ve led or been part of. Cumulatively, I’ve been in at least 2-3 circles a week this year. That’s a lot of circles. A lot of mirrors. A lot of lessons.
Here are the 8 biggest lessons I learned from circle in 2018:
1) Lead according to your design
One size does not fit all. We are not supposed to be put in a box. This is why we designed our Circle Leader Archetype Quiz.
When you understand your specific design and lead from your unique superpowers, everything clicks into place.
If you are an Activator like me, you will lead completely different than someone who is a Nurturer. Your approach to marketing will be different, style of circle and how you will grow it.
I realized that I have not integrated this enough into our trainings, and so it is one of those things that recently started trending that I plan to take to the next level in 2019.
I recently got my Human Design chart read and am adamant about bringing this work into our higher level programs.
2) Your facilitator is a human, too
We need to stop putting leaders (and the facilitators of our circle) on a pedestal. Feminine leadership is about inclusivity, support, celebration and equality. True feminine leaders are NOT gurus.
It’s amazing how many times I’ve been left out of things as women from my circles have connected outside the sacred space, and the typical reaction has been, “oh, we didn’t think you’d want to be part of this.”
I’ve also been judged for making mistakes or not giving enough, as if I’m held to extra high expectations as the leader.
Luckily, I don’t take it personally any more because I see it is just old conditioning. It used to hurt a lot though as I had a hard time navigating wearing different hats in mentorship, sistership and friendship.
I’ve noticed too in the media leaders being taken down and mobbed as a message for the public, with no regard for that person’s feelings.
3) Lean into discomfort
The amount of uncomfortable conversations, triggers and dark places I’ve experienced this year in circle … this year has been INTENSE!
But you know what?
On the other side of the discomfort is the GOLD.
Those who run away rob themselves of the opportunity for massive growth and expansion.
It’s much easier to say “peace out” when tempers flare, or write someone off because they aren’t meeting your expectations, but most of the time, that’s just a form of spiritual bypassing.
Yes, I’m a firm believer in boundaries in not being abused.
But I’m also a firm believer that anything can be worked out (and healed) through communication.
Every time the shit has hit the fan in a circle and everyone leaned in, love and affinity was restored and we become closer, wiser and more empowered.
4) Prioritize self-care
I’ve gone through 3 periods of burn out this year; January when my baby was not sleeping for more than 90 minutes at a time, May when my husband was gone hiking the Pacific Crest Trail and October after the How to Lead Circle enrollment period.
I attribute the burn out to various factors: resistance and fear, not working according to my design, and lack of self-care.
In January, I seriously considered taking the year off from working. I was just so exhausted. I hated the idea though of not working because I love my work so much.
Then I found a book called Daring to Rest in my PO Box and it changed my life.
Twenty minutes of Yoga Nidra a day. I just had to lie there and listen to Karen Brody’s beautiful, soothing voice.
If self-care feels like another thing to do, and almost feels draining, it’s not the right self-care.
I’ve listened to that audio hundreds of times this year and every time I feel restored and rejuvenated from it.
5) Don’t call someone OUT, call her IN
In circle, sometimes you just want to call someone out for not being in integrity with the agreements. But the call out method creates separation and can feel like shaming.
This year, I learned a new method: call in.
Gently, lovingly calling someone back into the sacred space of circle.
Compassionately calling someone back in to her highest vibration and deepest desires.
Calling her back into her body wisdom and out of her head filled with fear, doubt and worry.
It’s much more inspirational and motivating when a sister calls you back in.
6) The things you are not saying are leaking out
“Withholds,” when someone speaks up about something triggering her in circle, are one of our most powerful tools at Sistership Circle because once something is spoken aloud, it no longer holds the same charge as when it is kept inside.
This goes for any secrets we keep inside from anyone.
Or the lies we keep living to please someone else.
Or the things we do that feel so out of alignment with our soul, but we are too afraid to make a change.
The truth is, these secrets, lies and withholds leak out no matter what. Energetically, when you are out of integrity with yourself, it shows up regardless if you have spoken up about it or not.
I’ve witnessed women clean up their integrity with themselves this year and have miracles happen as a result of coming back into alignment with their truth.
If you are hiding something, or doing something you just know deep down inside you shouldn’t, I highly encourage you to call yourself in and make a shift before the year closes.
7) Sexual sovereignty is key to leadership
When I went and sat in circle with Elayne Kalila from Priestess Presence at her Avalon Retreat, I had a kundalini-rising-sexual-awakening experience.
Ever since I started doing this work in 2010, I’ve noticed that the more I connect with my body’s wisdom and specifically my yoni, the more I become an embodied leader.
In Avalon, I stepped into an even deeper, more powerful relationship with my sexual sovereignty, owning my body, owning my sexual energy, and owning my pleasure.
As a result, I feel more self-expressed and more self-assured. I feel like I need less approval and less need to please.
If we truly want to step into our feminine leadership, we must unlock the power of our pussies (and I use that word as Mama Gena suggests as a reclamation) and reclaim our sexual sovereignty.
It’s our creative power.
It’s our pleasure and desire.
It’s our life force energy.
It’s our feminine expression.
When I am whole in my sexual sovereignty, I can channel this energy into my work. I can also meet my partner in full presence. I can also honor my sisters for the power they hold within themselves.
I’m ready 2019!
As I prepare for another amazing year of circles, I take these lessons (and countless more) into my cave of creation, as compost for the new seeds I will plant in the spring.
More compassionate accountability and integrity.
More understanding of our unique designs and essence.
More women connected to and turned on by their pussy, passion and purpose.
What is one lesson you have learned from being in or leading circle this year? I’ve love to hear from you.