Do you sometimes feel like a fruit loop in a bowl of cheerios?
This is what one woman said on last week’s Level 2 Business of Circle call.
One by one, each woman on the call agreed that the analogy resonated. Whether they felt like the black sheep of the family or a “weirdo” growing up, they could all relate.
When feeling like an outcast, the tendency of the good girl is to try to fit in.
Fake it til you make it.
Put on the false mask and pretend to be someone you’re not.
This is how we’ve been conditioned in our culture, what we’ve mistaken as the way to belong.
But there is a distinct difference between fitting in and belonging.
As Brene Brown quoted in her book Braving the Wilderness:
“You only are free when you realize you belong no place — you belong every place — no place at all.” – Maya Angelou
We all seek to belong. It’s one of two primary needs of childhood, belonging and significance.
To know that we can contribute and to know that we are loved.
But the conditioning has kept us seeking a false sense of security by mirroring what we perceive as the right way to feel safe:
It’s not ok to be weird.
It’s not safe to stick out like a sore thumb.
The feminine leaders of today – lightworkers, circle facilitators, shamans, healers, witches and priestesses – have been carrying this wound for centuries.
It was punishable by death to be weird. To go against the status quo.
Fitting in has been a survival tactic for a long time.
And now, I believe we have come into this lifetime to reclaim our power by owning our uniqueness, and using it as a smoke signal to others who are looking for a sign.
You are being called to step into your feminine leadership to give others permission to be their unique and authentic selves.
By understanding that your weirdness is actually your gift, your medicine, your brilliance, you can turn this around and step into your sovereignty.
Sovereignty is about being in a council of queens, not a lone wolf (that’s just more of the same, ego-driven behavior of our culture). True divine sovereignty is seeing that we all have self-authority, and in trusting in a higher power within yourself, you can open your heart to trust others as a mirror reflection of your divine power.
And then you get to wave the flag, giving a secret wink to others that this is the safe place to be yourself.
“Community is HERE.”
“You belong is THIS circle.”
“WE are the ones creating a new reality and WE are in this together.”
If you are struggling to embrace that you are a fruit loop in the bowl of cheerios, here’s what you can do to turn it around:
1) Ask yourself, “do I really want to live in the beige?”
If the answer is no, you’d rather live in a vibrant technicolor world, then you want to examine why you are trying to be a cheerio. Was there a time when you were called out, shamed, embarrassed for flashing your rainbow? When did you start to dim your hydra light? There was something that stopped you where you made a decision to fit in as a strategy to be under the radar to survive.
2) What are all the ways that you try to fit in that isn’t in alignment with your soul’s magic?
Take inventory of the artificial wa ys in which you show up, the masks you wear, and how they serve you. Tune into the cost and how it makes you feel. Get real with yourself and see if the cost outweighs the benefit.
3) What’s your magic?
The truth is, in dimming your light, you are turning off your magic. Being beige typically means being dull. Numbing yourself, your intuitive gifts, your nervous system. Can you see the gift that you bring to the world? Can you see that the weirdness is simply the uniqueness of your gift?
4) Are you willing to stand bravely in your truth?
Taking off the mask is a brave act. Especially at first when you risk embarrassment and feel weak in the vulnerability of it. It’s going to hurt when someone says something to try to take you out. This is the block to your visibility in the world. You have to how to become comfortable in that discomfort by sharing your magic with others despite the fear of what they are going to think. It’s not about impressing others or proving yourself. Instead, it’s about being free and trusting that you will attract the right people who celebrate your magic and want your medicine. Start focusing on who gives you a thumbs up or a wink, the other fruit loops in the bowl.
5) Don’t stand alone; commit to sisterhood
It’s much harder to deal with backlash when you are alone. It’s much easier to reclaim your unique magic when you are in a circle of women who are cheering you on and embracing their unique gifts as well. This is the critical step that requires even more bravery since we’ve been pitted against each other and the sister wound of comparison has us feel unsafe with other women. But here is where we flip the script and create a new paradigm of sacred sistership where we accept and celebrate one another.
I’ve created a Facebook Live all about this in our Facebook Group that includes a Lioness Meditation. Come watch HERE.
We’d love to hear from you: What’s your unique magic, sister? Share that on the post HERE.
