EP 10: Christine Hassler on Overcoming the Expectation Hangover & Feeling the Feels

“I had to find my rage. I had to find my anger. So much of depression is suppression, it’s suppression of emotions. Especially as women, we really don’t have healthy outlets for anger. Little girls aren’t really encouraged to yell and scream and fight or any of those things. We can do sadness, but when it comes to anger, we don’t generally have healthy expressions for that. It leaks out as bitchiness, irritability, depression, suppression, all those kinds of things shut down.” – Christine Hassler

The Brave Woman Podcast Episode 10

Christine Hassler is a Master coach, facilitator and speaker with over 16 years of experience. She is the best-selling author of three books, most recently Expectation Hangover: Free Yourself From Your Past, Change your Present and Get What you Really Want and is the host of top-rated podcast “Over it and On With It” where she coaches people live on the show. Christine is known globally for her ability to identify what is holding someone back and compassionately guide them to clarity. In this episode, Christine shared quite a heroine’s journey with her divorce. She got to embody and exemplify the brave woman.

Christine embodied and exemplified the brave woman while she healed from the past and now supports thousands to do the same.

Discover about her heroine’s journey on this episode.

Listen to Episode 10 as Christine uncovers:

[02:50] One dark night of the soul

Her twenties after leaving corporate job and having a fiance dumped her six months before my wedding,
Going into debt.
Having all kinds of health, physical and mental health issues.
Hit the rock bottom.
What Christine learned, grew, and had a reprieve at 31 after married.
She was divorced, 32 years old. A divorce is hard enough.

[03:43] The First Book Journey

First book wrote about recovering from breakup.
They were growing in different directions when they got married and she was still on antidepressants.
Awakening journey and spiritual quest.
A failure feeling.
Confronted with being alone, with not having a man to support both financially, emotionally, everything.
Who am I? Am I ever going to find love again?
The inner critic self judger, who has a big voice in life.
Lack, self love.

[08:22] That expectation hangover in that disappointment.

Learned the most about own self and really learned how to become an incredible partner to own self.
True self forgiveness. True self-acceptance.
Healthy outlets for anger.
Women, we feel a lot, but we recycle our feelings so often and an example of that is we cry.
Whole time we’re crying, we’re judging ourselves and analyzing ourselves.
Getting help having a coach/therapist to really helped look at blind spots.
The sister wound.

[12:50] Tapping into creativity was massive.

Writing last book and letting life be a lesson.
An expectation hangover.
99.9, if not a hundred percent, we’re triggered by in our adult life has a root issue to the past.
We are sponges and our emotional body and mental body and behavioral body is forming and we get programmed.
The abandonment issue: as an adult are lack of trust, loneliness, fear, anxiety, anger. Okay.
The lens that we look at life through.
Forgive our self for judging.
I’m a computer I’m programmed.
A math of trauma response, a fight flight freeze.
Who’ve endured any kind of abuse or lived in any kind of chaos or uncertainty are highly sensitive.
Coping strategy.

[31:02] How fear is programming people

Antenna between us and the divine and our inner knowing gets fuzzy.
Unplug from the programming, the fear, the anxiety, the division, and the anger
So much fear, so much separation, so much division.
True transformation is going to come from truth and love.
Supporting your own sovereignty and your own truth, it’s not like you’re being selfish and being like, don’t care about the rest of the world.
Spiritual hygiene.

[38:31] Masculine Energy in Woman

Most women are in their protective strategies that look like masculine energy. It’s a protective strategy.
A pretty feminine woman.
You’ve put to keep around you, to keep yourself safe and guard your heart. When you can heal that, naturally the integration of masculine and feminine energy will happen.
Construct of what feminine energy is because we had the submissive housewife archetype in our short-term history.

[44:28] Meeting an amazing man

She ditched a lot of shitty advice, so much bad dating advice. She won’t go into all of it, but just a couple of them are.
Fiercely yourself more yourself than ever before.
She got on knees and she said, God, clearly my picker is off. She’s scared to surrender.
Ready for next person.
When he held her in his arms, it felt like home.

[49:50] Another beautiful power of the feminine is the muse.

The muse is the part of us that then inspires that pulls men forward into their greatness and pulls ourselves forward.
I hear you, Inner critic.
Tap into that muse energy, that inspirational energy that pulls us forward versus this critic that just pushes us and pushes us and pushes us and eventually depletes us.

Power Quotes From the Show

Women: Crying, Judging, & Analyzing Ourselves

“I learned how to release them rather than recycle them because women, we feel a lot, but we recycle our feelings so often. An example of that is we cry, but the whole time we’re crying, we’re judging herself. We’re analyzing ourselves, we’re going into victim mode. We’re wanting it to be over. We’re not actually having a good release while just holding total compassion for ourselves. There’s a judger, there’s an analyzer, there’s a critic.

That’s part of our cry. And so I had to learn how to release emotions while the part of me that was witnessing just held this incredible place of compassion. So that feelings would come up and out rather than just recycle through my own judgment.”- Christine Hassler

I’m A Computer, I’m Programmed

“That’s the part where we really get into the mindset piece and really get into taking a hundred percent responsibility and going all right. I know I have habitual programs and emotional addictions and reactions that are just going to go off at certain times. I’m a computer, I’m programmed.

And I know if I want to shift the results I’m getting in my life, I’ve got to shift my reactions. So then it really becomes being so aware of that window between what happens in our reaction. That’s the growth point. That’s where we really integrate when something happens and we don’t have our automatic trigger and we can stop that automatic trigger and go.

I’m going to go a different way and start to generate more of those feelings of love and gratitude and acceptance and all those things. That’s when we’re not living. From the past, we’re actually creating from the future. I see people really get stuck and personal development maybe they process a little bit and they analyze, but they’re not willing to fully commit to that integration piece of when they get triggered.

As hard as it is choosing a different response because our life doesn’t change. We’re not going to stop getting triggered. We’re human. It’s going to happen. Life does not change unless we don’t throw up that automatic program. When we get triggered. Does that make sense? “– Christine Hassler.

Trauma Response: Fight, Flight, Freeze.

“There’s a difference between a trauma response and a trigger. When people haven’t really worked through and heal their issues, they can go into a mask. So trauma response, a fight flight freeze, or fawn, like huge. I gave you, let’s say you are really shamed as a kid. Something you were bullied really, really bad and really, really embarrassed. You haven’t really dealt with that.

If anybody says anything mean to you or you feel that energy at all, you’ll go into it. It’s more than a trigger. It’s an actual trauma response where the panic, the anxiety that you’ll, time-travel like, You’ll be 35, but it’s like really a twelve-year-old, but it’s activated and you can’t regulate, like you’re not resourced at all.

You cannot regulate your nervous system. That’s more of a trauma response. That means, okay, there’s healing work. To do, but most of the time we’re just triggered into habitual pattern. We’re triggered into annoyance or frustration or victimhood or complaining or sabotaging ourselves. So I really want to make that distinction between actual trauma response, which means there’s some healing work to do.

Just a trigger, which is like, there’s a program, it’s reminding you of something and you’re throwing up a program.” – Christine Hassler.

Links from Today’s Show

Get FREE Gift: Meditation RX

Meditation RX: Guided Meditations to Treat Your Mind and Heart.

https://christinehassler.com/rx/

Podcast: Over It and On with It

Expectation Hangover book

About Christine Hassler

Christine Hassler is a Master coach, facilitator and speaker with over 16 years of experience. She is the best-selling author of three books, most recently Expectation Hangover: Free Yourself From Your Past, Change your Present and Get What you Really Want and is the host of top-rated podcast “Over it and On With It” where she coaches people live on the show. Christine is known globally for her ability to identify what is holding someone back and compassionately guide them to clarity. She also works with companies and organizations to increase the productivity and decrease the stress of their employees. Christine has a Masters degree in Spiritual Psychology and implements elements of NLP, psychology, spirituality, science and her own diverse life experience into her work. She’s appeared on: The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, E!, Style, and The New York Times. Christine believes once we get out of our own way, we can show up to make the meaningful impact we are here to make.