They say be careful what you wish for. Your wish will come true but undoubtedly it will not be in the way that you imagined it. I was 40 with 3 sons from a previous marriage in their late teens when I became pregnant with my daughter. I didn’t know it then but she would not only change my life but she would save my life. You see, I did wish to have a baby, I prayed and prayed from the age of 32 and on. I miscarried twice and my husband at the time and I decided that it just wasn’t meant to be. Boom…..
There it was…
I was 40 years old and I was pregnant with this amazing little girl, who would turn my life upside down and facilitate the growth and healing that I needed to transform into who I am today.
The woman I am today and the woman I was then are not even comparable. I had what I thought was the picture perfect life but what I lacked was passion. There was no fire in my belly and no passion in my eyes and certainly no fulfillment in my heart. I was living a life that was unhappy and doing what I thought I should do for everyone but myself. I gave my entire life for my sons and my marriage. I was thin, young, hard working with a career that gave us a wonderful life but offered no joy to me. I knew I was destined for more but I did not how to get there.
My life would change overnight when my daughter was born ill. She would spend 80 days in the NICU and would have 3 surgeries before she was 3 months old. I spend days and nights at her bedside. I cried all day and night for the pain my daughter was in. I begged God to take my life and let her live. I couldn’t eat and I couldn’t sleep. I was an empty shell. This baby that I prayed for was suffering and I believed at that time that somehow I caused this. Was it because I was 40? Was it because I wanted a child to help me feel fulfilled in an unfulfilled life? Whatever it was caused me immense pain as well.
From the beginning, she and I were amazingly connected. I could feel her pain. I could hear what she was thinking. It was unfathomable at the time to me. I felt like I was losing my mind. I was weak, I was vulnerable and I was the only one to make the life and death decisions in her care.
Her 2nd surgery perforated and she had a wound vacuum on that opened and while I head my 6 week old daughter her intestines were hanging out of her gut and fluids were gushing everywhere. They rushed her into emergency surgery and her prognosis was not good. The doctor told us to prepare for the worst. I prayed and prayed and tried to send her strength during her surgery. I called on my angels to stand by her side and I promised if God let me keep her, that I would give her a good life. She came out of surgery a different baby, she would be in the NICU another 4 weeks.
Finally after her 3rd surgery she showed improvement. She was left with an ileostomy and we got to take her home but she needed care 24/7. I was her nurse. It would cost 1500.00 a month to sustain her. Even with medical insurance. We began to amass medical debt and very quickly. During this time, my husband at the time decided his needs were not fulfilled and had an affair. It actually began while I lay at my daughters bedside begging for God to let her live.
Again my life was turned upside down, I could no longer handle what was happening around me and began to seep deep into a massive breakdown. Again not sleeping or eating and crying constantly over what I thought was the end of the so called perfect life as I know it. My husband manipulated me into believing that Sophia would need us together to raise her especially because she was still so ill and facing another surgery.
So, again, for my daughter I stayed but I knew in my heart I couldn’t stay forever. Hatred built up, we fought constantly and this beautiful little girl deserved such a better life than what I was giving her. She would have a 4th surgery to reconnect her and then begin to bleed internally for about 3 years. During this time I was able to end my marriage for good and I promised my daughter that no matter what I had to do that she would have the life that she deserved. I didn’t know it then but I was on the path to a journey of healing my self and my daughter.
On my own and going to school full time online, a single mom and barely having enough money to eat, we would begin monthly blood transfusions to sustain her. She was so sick and so tiny that again I asked God why? Why her? Why me? What did we do to deserve this? We were just trying to get by and make a life for her and I. How could God let this happen again? Hadnt this baby been through enough?
We saw countless specialists and thousands of invasive tests along with monthly blood transfusions forced me to look for alternative methods. At this time I also began meditating because I was so stressed and I was slowly deteriorating again. Though meditation, I began a trek into my own intuition and connection. I would hear messages thinking they were just my thoughts, I would dismiss it. Then one day, my grandmother came to me while I was meditating, she said “Don’t be fearful Terri Ann. “ That moment in time is embedded in my mind today. It was life altering.
I was being directed in another direction. I was looking for an alternative way to help heal my daughter. My trek into energy healing began very selfishly, it was just something I was going to learn to help heal my child and that was it. Transformation had already begun in me but Reiki changed mine and my daughters life. I began using Reiki on her. Very slowly, she was very sensitive to energy and I my intuition told me to take my time with her healing. I would continue doing Reiki on her for 2 years and slowly her blood transfusion became every 6 weeks, then every 8 weeks, then every 12 weeks. Today she is hospital free and with over 40 blood transfusions to keep her alive, she has been hospital free for almost 2 years in May of 2018. May 2016 marks the anniversary of her last blood transfusion and iron infusion.
Through the 2 years of doing Reiki on her, I also began my own journey within to begin healing from the past emotional trauma and PTSD that I suffered through it all. I’ve had to do intensive and sometimes down right draining healing on myself. I had to heal if I was going to help others heal.
Today I am a Reiki Master Teacher and Theta healer, as well as a Spiritual Teacher. I am fulfilled in my life. I love what I do. It gives me so much, I am not able to put it into words. The love that I put into doing energy healing on someone, I get back ten fold. This immense love fills my heart and soul when I do energy work. I know that I am now meant to be on this journey to help heal women and children, not just from physical ailments but from emotional ailments as well. I have worked with many clients and each time I am amazed at the amount of powerful healing and energy that runs through my body.
My transformation brought about many changes, I am meant to teach others and help heal the world. What I was searching for was in me all along, I just had to find it. I credit my daughter for not only showing me the light but saving my life. Today, she is 8 years old and although she still has emotional trauma from all of the medical procedures, I am confident that we will continue to work on healing her and I. I dream of traveling the world with her, sharing our story and helping heal the women and children of their pain and suffering. Her by my side watching and learning, empowering positive light and love wherever we go.
I tell everyone, that if I could do this that so can you. I came from desperation and despair on the brink of a nervous breakdown but I was triumphant. You can absolutely change your life. You can absolutely live the life that you desire and you can absolutely heal from all the bullshit that you have been dealt.