EP 58: How to overcome the fear of being too much & deal with the judgement, disapproval & pushback


Do you struggle to shine your light in fear of being TOO MUCH?

Women’s leadership requires BOLDNESS in being our full self-expression – speaking our truth and getting visible … but it’s scary AF so how do you do it?

And how do you deal with the judgment, disapproval and push back?


How you can overcome the fear of being too much

How to respond vs how to react

How to continue expanding and shining your light despite adversity

How can we deal with the triggers that come up for ourselves and others


Hi I’m too much Tanya, I’m too much Peta, and hi I’m too much Natasha.

So, we are really excited about this FB live today all around shining your light. This is an invitation and we are together for the first time, the three of us – my Australian Mamma’s are here with me and we just finished up our mastery retreat. Our mastery program is a 9 month container about really stepping into the spotlight. This topic came up really strongly throughout the week around shining your light and that fear of being too much. Peta was co-facilitating with me and had it really come up. So, we wanted to share with this today to give you the inspiration to shine your light, because right now, more than ever, women’s leadership requires that we are bold in our visibility and in our using our voice.

The shit is going to try to take you out. People are going to resist you, they are going to judge you, they will try to shame you. You are going to deal with people disapproving of what you have to say. So how do you deal with all of that?

So, I’m going to allow Peta to share this piece of how this has really been showing up in her life. Then we will share how we can help you move through this and to feel empowered to step into shining.


So this year for me my leadership has called me into fully embodying my pleasure, my play and my sexuality and my pussy. My pussy power, my pussy magic, my pussy priestess. Even the word pussy makes people want to retract, cringe and can create upset.

What I have found in my circles that have been happening as I really step into that, really embodying that and really shining in the play of who I am when I’m fully expressed, is some women, a lot of women, have felt triggered by that. It has then turned around to shaming me for it or disapproving of me, leaving my circles, having really big triggers and withholds with me in circle. So, for me I’ve been looking at OK, what’s the message here? What’s the message for me as a facilitator? How do I respond versus react?

This is what came up beautifully in mastery this week, as this has been happening for me quite consistently this year. So, Tanya and I were looking at each other and asking ‘what is the medicine here?’, why is this coming up? What can I receive so that I can continue to expand and be in my full expression instead of shrinking back down, because when people come out and say oh no I disapprove of you, you are too much you are too sexy, how can you say the word pussy, you are rubbing me up the wrong way, it can sometimes cause us to start to question and doubt ourselves as we ask ‘have I done something wrong?, maybe I am being too much?

Have you ever felt that story going on? Have you ever felt this ‘maybe I shouldn’t have done that’, ‘maybe I shouldn’t have said that’, ‘that’s too much’, instead of being able to be really present with ‘oh ok me shining my light has triggered something in the other’. It’s about releasing ownership of that and realizing that it’s not mine, it’s yours. So as a facilitator or even as a women on the receiving end of those kinds of comments and reactions, how to you respond versus react.

When you react, you believe the story. You believe the trigger and you own it as yours. So your reaction to that is feeling like you either need to shrink back, go into shame, question myself, think I shouldn’t do that. Or you can go into attack mode where we may perpetuate wounding, especially the sisterhood wound, which is the wounding and separation that exists amongst women. So you can get stuck in a cycle of ‘who does she think she is’ and so the reaction is to shrink back into the shadow so perhaps the bitch comes out, perhaps the competitive person comes out in you. This requires an advanced level of self-awareness as well to understand how it is you show up in these situations. So for me, I noticed this come up and I felt oh what is happening here. How can I flip this so I am actually responding.

Responding means that you stay fully present, in your light, owning your brilliance. It’s not too much. Let me repeat – IT IS NOT TOO MUCH! It is owning your brilliance. How do you stay shining in that, and allow the other person to be in there trigger and let them process it. It is simply a matter of being open hearted, having unconditional love and witnessing. This is not about you taking it on. You are just allowing them to process so how can you be the witness? How can you be receiving and how can you be shining the medicine back to them? How do you do that?

We had several instances during the week where some women were triggered. So how do you hold space? In that holding of space, it’s about not judging them, you are not making them wrong. For me, what I’m witnessing in them is their little girl. Their little girl is hurt, she’s acting out, she’s having a tantrum, or perhaps she comes out as the brassy, rebellious teenager or the bitchy neighbor next door who is going to gossip. You as the witness, you simply be the witness, own your brilliance and love the sister or person who is hating on you. I know that sounds hard so how do you do that? It’s practice. It’s so much about practice. This is an advanced facilitation skill. The more you lead circles, the more you will be required to own your light and own your brilliance.

I have found that when I am shining my light, others pick up on it. They have this sense of ‘oh she is exciting, let’s go and hang out with her’, come and hang out in Peta land. And so I get excited and I’m like ‘yeah, yeah, woooo, here’s this and let’s pussy and roll our hips and lick our lips and I’m in my full play our full power and pleasure and play, and then something within them gets triggered from their old stories, their old conditioning, their limiting beliefs. These all come up and they are like this feels a bit edgy, doubts and questions come up like why is she speaking about this, and something is wrong. She is wrong. I can’t have anything more to do with her. I’m going to separate myself and throw some darts as her. So you as a facilitator and woman will come up the more you expand and this is not to scare you off, but this is just how is.

What we really want you to know is you are not too much in your full brilliance, in your full light, in fully owning your essence as a facilitator, as a woman, as a leader. You are NOT too much.

So, I, Tanya, believe that when we can step into being that witness, and when we are triggering someone and just to hold that, it’s actually inviting that woman in. What Peta was saying that when she is in her full light, there is a magnetism to that, and this is what happens when we start leading and start to really embody our power is we become magnetic so we are inviting people into the space with us and then they then get confronted. And honestly, this even came up for me with Peta. I’ve been leading circles for a long time, I’ve been in leadership for a long time and I was like “God, this sexy priestess woman” and I felt myself shrinking and I felt myself thinking am I as pretty as her, am I as hot as her. And all I really wanted is my little girl just wanted an invitation to play with Peta. So when you are shining your light and in your brilliance, how can you create the safe space for her little girl and invite her in because that’s all we really want is to belong. That’s why women are being magnetized is because they want to belong with cool girl Peta, with popular girl Peta. Everyone wants to hang out with the popular girl right. So for her to keep her heart open in that moment, in that trigger and be like no come in sister, you can shine with me, let’s shine together. This was a huge healing for me this week as I was confronted within myself around that.

What was really beautiful is Tanya was able to come to me and say that I’m really in my shit right now. This is my trigger. This was so beautiful. This is what I did to her – I just held her. So my little girl was this is what I want, I just want to be held by Peta. And this is what we want right? This is why women come to circle in the first place is to be held, and then the shit comes up. And how can we hold them unconditionally despite the trigger. So we’d love to hear from you, there’s lots of you here, welcome. Share your name, where you are from and one take-away that you are getting form this moment and from what we have been sharing? Does this come up from you? Have you felt that fear of that too muchess and your light?

Natasha – I’d love to share a piece around being a woman in circle led by facilitators and women who are modeling this skill. This week we came in a different women at the start of mastery retreat. As the week went on we learnt what our message was, what our light was, and growing that and knowing that there was a holding of the container that was inviting us to really step into that, and that it was safe. It was safe to feel triggered and to be able to work through that experience and emerge through the other side of that in our full brilliance and we all got to see what it felt like. So when Tanya stepped into that piece of being in pleasure and play it was amazing. So we had this ritual piece that we did together where every single one of us was at the height of her expression and we played like women in there temple and in their full power play, and it became transcendent. It was about more than just ourselves, it was about how we melted, moved, flowed and experienced and glued ourselves together, and almost became one.

What created that safety was owning triggers, owning our light, being able to process it and then bringing that medicine into the circle, and an important piece of this is calling it out. Bringing the trigger to the light, bringing the too much story to light and then inviting women, the invitation to come into this conversation and be in it. Then we were able to have that safety of depth, by cleaning the space of any funky energy and triggered stuff, then we could fully go into that temple space.

This is a key to being a facilitator is understanding that you are not separate from as well. And that everything that arises for us as a facilitator, we will see this mirrored back, and we need to clear that too and being able to clear that with the women in our circles creates the depth and that trust.

That is why we need to shine our light, because when we are all shining our light together, we are in that playful pleasure and that is what is going to transform the world.

Couple of comments have been written:

I find hugging the person triggering me diffuses – this is true. When we trigger someone, when someone has gotten really pissed at me, when you offer them a hug, it can help dissipate.

Stacy has written – so what do we do when it’s online and it can feel like you are trying to defend yourself. It can be so easy to hide behind the screen and be a troll on social media because there is not that face to face interaction, the piece is you have nothing to defend, you are doing nothing wrong in shining your light. There is nothing to defend, you can just beam them and thank them for sharing. Can you provide them with a bucket and let them spew? Can we not go into that war with someone online. If it’s someone you know, can you get on the phone and talk, or get together.


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