Can You Love Your Body Unconditionally?
For most of my life when I would look in the mirror I would criticize and judge my body for absolutely no reason!
What did my body do to me?
Yet I hated it, actually loathed my body.
I treated it with starvation, binging on “junk” foods, overindulging in toxic substances and putting myself in unsafe environments.
I also covered up my body with dark and oversized clothing to not draw attention to my petite and girlish figure.
Who was I was hiding from and why didn’t I want to be seen?
I was unable to embrace my feminine power because I feared my own sexuality and sensuality.
My relationships expertly mirrored back this fear and I had countless lessons in learning how to reconnect to my feminine power.
When I discovered that I carried a buried secret—the root cause of my distorted body image and the reason I was punishing my body, I was ready to heal.
When I was 6 years old, my half brother molested me and my mother did nothing to protect me though she caught him in my bed one night. As I shed the shame of what happened to me, I began to slowly love my body and own my story of what I wished could have been and should have been. It’s taken me 5 years to see that I was replaying my childhood trauma in my relationships and that long after the abuse I was abusing and punishing myself.
All the rage and the pain I felt had me suffering with physical symptoms of anxiety, bipolar depression, irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) and fibromyalgia.
To heal you must feel
I wrote a letter to my half brother and mother releasing all of my pain and then forgiving them.
I also wrote a letter to my body listing the reasons I loathed it. Then I wrote another letter to my body apologizing for abusing it.
When I was ready I went to a secluded wooded area to burn the letters. Before setting them up in flames I would affirm aloud: “I release this, I am no longer angry, love will heal this.” As I burned the letters one by one the toxic energy lost power.
Forgiveness sets you free
I did a visualization with my half brother, using the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer Ho’oponopono. Once my half brother accepted my apology, he then apologized to me and after I accepted his apology I hugged him.
I then placed one hand over my heart centre and another hand on my solar plexus and invited Archangel Michael (the angel of protection) to cut the cords between my half brother and I. He then waved at me and left.
I also repeated the same visualization with my mother. Then I visualized myself at 6 years old and repeated the same visualization.
After she waved at me I placed my hand over my heart centre and invited Archangel Raphael (the angel of healing) to integrate my Wounded self. As I opened my eyes I experienced an inner peace.
Honor Your Holy Temple Ritual
I lit candles all over my bedroom, lay a towel on my bed and said a prayer, “Dear God, please forgive me for abusing my body. Miraculously heal me. Amen.”
Then I proceeded to take my clothing off, lay on my bed in my nakedness to anoint my body with sensual massage oil—a sacred act that Mary Magdalene did for Jesus.
I began at the tips of my toes rubbing oil and affirming, “I love my toes.” Then I rubbed my feet, my ankles etc., all the way to the top of my head and affirmed my love for each body part I anointed with oil.
As I took my time giving love, acceptance and forgiveness to every inch of my body I felt like a Goddess who knows her worth, power, sensuality, grace and beauty.
After performing the ritual I wrapped myself in a towel and when the oil was dry I put on a robe. Then I sat quietly and allowed myself to integrate the experience of reconnecting with my body.
In my meditative state I received the insight, if I want my lover to love, accept and respect me, I need to love, accept and respect ALL of me without conditions.
Healing is not an overnight process
Whenever the pain rises to the surface I write another letter and visualize the person(s) including my Wounded self in the Hawaiian forgiveness prayer Ho’oponopono. I also anoint my body in my moon rituals.
Like a rose, I am patiently unfolding petal by petal to reveal the light within me. I stopped abusing my body. I am healthy and whole.
With self-love and self-compassion I know my body is sacred and treat my body by nourishing it with healthy foods, eating regularly and exercising by practicing yoga a few times a week and taking daily walks in nature.
I am remembering who I am—a Goddess who knows her worth, power, sensuality, grace and beauty.
IMAGE CREDIT: DOVE CAMPAIGN FOR REAL BEAUTY