I was drifting, in transition, just sort of floating through life with no particular place to go or thing to do. I had recently closed my art studio/gift shop, sold my big condo and moved into a much smaller condo. Closing the shop and then the transition from one condo to the next was a crazy, exhausting experience with many emotional and financial ups and downs, lasting for several months.
By the time I settled into my new home I was ready to go into what I considered my “Chrysalis Mode”. I had felt like that caterpillar, crawling through the branches to get to this safe place where I could just hang out for awhile. I felt no urgency to figure out where to go from here, or what I should be doing, so I allowed myself to just BE, for as long as I felt was necessary. I was content to stay in my new little condo, and my little yard, with my 2 cats and a library full of books to read!
I spent many days just BEing, not DOing, just BEing Sometimes gardening, sometimes, not. Meditating, reading, or not! I am a huge James Michener fan. I could spend hours, even entire days reading. Sometimes I interspersed a few self-help books or books on spirituality, but mostly it was a Michener novel. Every now and agin I would walk or swim, but sometimes that felt too much like doing, so I would just “Hang out” wrapped in a cloak of silence; adjusting to this new phase in life.
Escapism at its finest.
Some days, my masculine voice would echo in my head, “You should be doing something productive, you should get up and get moving.”
But my feminine would be stronger and would reply back with a gentle shrug of her shoulders and say, “Yes, I’ll get up and get moving when I feel so divinely motivated. But, until I feel so inclined to take some inspired action, I will just continue to BE. My wings aren’t quite ready yet.”
Finally, after several months of hanging out in Chrysalis Mode, I began to feel the stirrings of life coming back into my body. I wasn’t quite sure where I was heading but I new it was time to start moving. So, I rented a little office space that had 2 small rooms. I would use the smaller of the 2 rooms for my work studio, and perhaps teach basket weaving classes in the front room. But, I still felt a yearning for more. I felt a need for connection and community , and a way to be of service to others. So, I opened myself up to receive the guidance that I knew was there, if only I would get quiet and listen.
I found myself daydreaming while walking one day out in the fields near my home. What else could I do with that space? I want to be of service to others in some way. But, I have limited skills, I thought to myself.
I allowed myself to wander and ponder. I decided I wanted it to be a Co-creative Healing Space.
“What!!??!! What does that even mean?” I asked myself.
So, I defined it. A safe space where people can come and be whatever, whoever they need to be in that moment. You want to come in and be quiet and meditate? We’ll do that. You want to just chat, cause you’ve got something weighing heavy on you? I’ll hold space for you and listen. You want to cry, sing, dance, or color in a coloring book, with crayons or pencils or markers…or all 3? We can do that, too. We will do it in a space free of judgement or admonishments. And we’ll do it in a way that is Compassionate, Loving, Understanding and with Empathy. I will “hold space” for you which means I will allow you to be who you need to be in the moment, without trying to fix, heal or redirect you, in a space where there are no judgements, where you can be seen, witnessed, held and supported with unconditional caring and Love.
My next question to myself was, “What makes you qualified to do this work? After all, you have no formal education, no big letters after your name.”
Well, true that, I thought to myself, but I do have life experience. A diverse background of many different interests and skills. All of my life experiences are valid! I have things to offer others. Maybe not for everyone, but certainly there are those whom I could help guide and support. After all, I’m not fixing or healing them, I’m merely holding space and reflecting back to them their voice and their insights that they have shared with me.
So, as I considered the options and where I might go from there to implement this idea, lo and behold, the Universe, well, the Internet, gave me the answer!
Somehow, somewhere there appeared an add or an email from Sistership Circle, talking about a course called How To Lead Circle. I checked out the website and my interest was piqued. Hmmm, this might be just the thing I was looking for. (Divine timing!) It could give me some of the structure and the empowerment I’m needing.
There was a 3-day event happening in San Diego, so I decided to sign up and just go for it. I had No Clue what I was in for. This was stepping way out of my comfort zone. But, dive in I did!
Feminine Uprising Live turned out to be an intense 3 days of doing the deep dive into self-introspection, authentic, vulnerable sharing, movement and dance, rituals and ceremonies, all geared toward the Uprising of our Feminine Power.
I had never before experienced this level of raw, vulnerable sharing of women and their deepest fears, secrets and stories.
It’s hard to put into words, without it turning into a short story or novel, the multitude and the depth of feelings I experienced that weekend. Oh, the things I learned about myself in just 3 days. I watched as I kept myself apart and separated from the other women, and then complained that I didn’t feel like I belonged. I listened as other women shared with such vulnerability and felt the desire to do the same. Only to then feel like what I had shared was silly or irrelevant or somehow not as important or impactful as their shares had been. I found that although my childhood was as challenging as it was, many had suffered much worse fates than I had.
On the third day, I had a breakthrough, I was able to see more clearly the role I was playing in the drama that was unfolding in my life. I was beginning to take responsibility for my reactions to the things that were being triggered in me. Things were beginning to shift within. The Chrysalis was beginning to crack. I learned to look at myself, and others, in a much different way; a softer way, with compassion, and joy, gratitude and Love. I saw that our similarities are much greater than our differences. I wanted to reach out and hug every one of these women. None of whom I had ever met before. But here we were, all together, sharing with such authenticity and vulnerability.
I was astounded… and hooked. I wanted more. To know more about how and why this worked, and how I could bring this to my community. Because I felt certain that there are women everywhere, even in my area, who desperately need circle, they just don’t know it yet.
So, I signed up for the 12-week program “How To Lead Circle” teaching women how to lead a circle curriculum based on Tanya’s book “Open Your Heart: How to be a New Generation Feminine Leader.”
The transformation that had begun in San Diego was about to go even deeper. The first 6 weeks of this program focuses on Self; Love, Acceptance, Forgiveness, Care, Expression and Worth.
Open Your Heart Indeed!
Crack it wide open and see what’s inside!
Why, it’s You, Your Authentic Self; with all of it’s light and bright and it’s dark and shadowy sides.
Learn to embrace them all!
What an incredible journey, down into the depths and then back up again into the Light, over and over again. The growth and transformation, the things that I have learned about myself and others has been phenomenal.
I committed, fully, to this program because it resonated so deeply within me. Here was the sistership, the community and connection I was looking for. Here was something I could do, without having to have any prior credentials.
Wow, what a ride this turned out to be. Twelve weeks of diving deep and doing the work … on myself, into myself, being witnessed, held, supported and loved by 12 other women, from all over the globe. Who would have thought of the closeness that can occur between women online? What a powerfully, transformative experience. Self growth and transformation, new friendships, a feeling of community and sisterhood, and a whole new way of life are things that I have gotten out of sitting in circle with like minded women.
I am now bringing Sistership Circle to the Monterey Peninsula because I am know that there are many women who deeply desire this connection that I have experienced and will benefit from the beauty and magic and of circle. They just need to know that it exists and that it is here for them.
It is my job to spread the word and the Love.
Sistership Circle is here for you and You Belong.
Together we will create one million circles across the globe … my vision of that tiny space in Monterrey now has blossomed and grown into a vision for women worldwide:
A safe space where people can come and be whatever, whoever they need to be in that moment.
Going into the Chrysalis, breaking open, wings unfolding, and then emerging into the world, soaring to new heights TOGETHER as Divine Feminine leaders.
