Setting Healthy Boundaries and Getting Your Needs Met.
“The Feminine is weak,” “My needs don’t matter,” “My desires are selfish.” These are some of the beliefs that women inherit from their mothers.
Instead, what if we believed that all of our needs are met and provided for, that pleasure is our birthright, and that we don’t have to give it all up as mothers?
This is the context for this episode where we dive into the mother wound, having Patriarchal Sex, and coming into right relationship with your bodies as sacred, where you truly embody the truth that you matter. All of you.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
- what unconditional loving mother energy is and how to connect with it
- the 2 most basic needs that you had as a child and how not getting them met has made you feel unworthy
- why motherhood has taken the pleasure out of sex and how to reclaim it
- how to let your mother off the hook so you can focus on your own healing, no matter how terrible she was
- key points to re-mother yourself, no longer looking for approval or validation elsewhere
Tanya’s Key Insights and Ahas:
1:30 – how to approach this conversation
2:50 – how to break the line
3:25 – letting mom off the hook to take her hooks out of you
5:22 – taking a breath and feeling your body, tension
6:00 – softening as “the work”
6:20 – holding mother wound in our bellies
6:55 – re-mother yourself – self-soothe
7:30 – Re-mother through needs and desires
8:10 – a man’s more important
8:20 – mother is a self-sacrificing martyr
9:15 – how the story of Eve coming from Adam’s rib taking away our power
9:35 – Osho said woman is more powerful – because we have a womb
10:00 – why do we buy into the the lie that men are better?
10:20 – 80% of births are cesarean
Birthing process as initiation
11:10 – if you haven’t had children
11:50 – choice + desire
13:00 – feminist – equal rights = work force vs connecting with the feminine (still split with the feminine)
13:40 – split with great mother and cosmic womb
14:10 – cosmic womb where we all came from
15:55 – if I have this power to create, what do I want to create? What do I desire?
16:30 – pleasure
17:15 – patriarchal sex
17:55 – epic, cosmic, feminine, ecstatic sex
18:25 – Khajuraho temples of India
19:25 – What is Amrita
20:45 – the sacrifice
21:40 – the great mother provides for all of our needs
why we burn out
23:10 – 2 main needs – significance and belonging
24:50 – if your mother didn’t want a child (you were a “mistake,” they were struggling to survive, etc.)
26:00 – your mother wanted to have a baby but smothered, controlled, gripping, pressure on you
26:40 – merging mother, co-dependency
27:45 – healing the mother wound: re=mothering and reconnecting with Great Mother energy
28:50 – feeling as an empath
being “Too much”
3:30 – self-soothe
30:15 – mother earth is matter, we are made of matter, you matter
30:50 – you have the right to take up space on this planet
31:15 – receive
32:30 – tap into Shakti life force
32:55 – Sacred sister as mirror of me
33:55 – you no longer have to sacrifice yourself
34:19 – boundaries
If you belong to your husband, where is your boundary?
Sovereignty = boundaries
You aren’t owned, but the belief system has been passed down
35:11 – Roe v. Wade overturned – perspective that when we reclaim our bodies as sacred, the external shifts
36:25 – being a lightworker or woman on purpose – how you show up is an example for other women
38:00 – a boundary is not a barrier
How to remain connected while setting a loving, healthy boundary
39:22 – example of kids and setting boundaries
How to be BRAVE:
Share in the comments:
What desires and dreams are you sacrificing for the sake of what you believe is acceptable in society?
Takeaways For You:
You don’t have to be a self-sacrificing martyr who gives up all your needs and desires for everyone else. You can put yourself first and from your cup being overflowed, give to your family, community and the world at large with generosity.
Please note that I talk about c-sections and in no means do I judge anyone who has had a c-section. My only point with this is how it is now the way babies are born 80% of the time, but doesn’t have to be that way. See The Business of Being Born to understand more on this topic.
The Mother Wound article by Bethany Webster
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